Sunday, December 1, 2013

My name is Jenny, and I'm a sugar addict. Week 14 Day 98

Some of you may have already heard with my posts on Facebook, but tomorrow I am jumping back on the LCHF wagon. I took about a 3 week hiatus and have been cranking the carbs down my throat as fast as I can.  I have felt nothing but horrible, and guilt.  Lots of guilt.  Not only have I let myself down, but also the people whom found inspiration from my videos.   But there is one thing I learned, which made this emotional rollercoaster worth it.  I learned that Low Carb High fat is the life for me.  There is no longer any doubt (not that I had much to begin with). 

I have felt a grab bag of crappy side effects from eating high carb these past few weeks.  I have felt lethargic, emotional, very tired, unmotivated, sad, lost, aggravated, constipated, ashamed, and most of all.... alone.  

How can one feel alone while surrounded by family, friends and co-workers you ask?  Well actually, its very easy. I do not feel that I have one thing in common with the people around me.  I don't feel like I can share a thought with any of them.  They don't understand me, nor can I make them understand.  They don't wish they could eat the whole pie; they aren't sneaking around with bits of chocolate candies in their pockets to eat when no one is looking; and they aren't willing to drive 10 minutes from home just to get a sugary iced coffee drink.  Who does those things?  Well, unfortunately, I do.  Some of these things I won't even admit to my husband.  He does not have the address to my blog.  When I make the videos, I make him leave the room and go upstairs with the door closed.  He also doesn't know my Facebook group page name.  

And best of all.... he doesn't know my weight.  I remember when I was about to give birth to my son, and the lady needed to ask me a bunch of questions.  I made him leave the room just to reply with my weight.  He thought it funny, I thought it sad.  Very Sad. He of course, being a gentleman, has never once discussed anything about my weight, with me.  Thank God!  

After returning from Thailand and continuing to not do LCHF, my hubby told me I need to get back on.  Being in the high carb grouchy mood as I was in, I asked him if it was the fact he was looking forward to having a skinny wife. Ouch.  I know it wasn't right to ask him that.  But hey, I am high on sugar.  Give me a break.   His reply to me was that he was so proud of me and what I was doing.  He went on to tell me he has even been bragging about how motivated and driven I had been, and that would suck to just give it all up.  What he didn't know, is that I never planned on giving it all up.  By then, I had already learned that I had planned on getting back to being Low Carb and that I would continue it the rest of my life.  I was just in a slump, that's all.

From the moment I decided to go low carb, to now, I have never once thought of giving up.  I have never once thought to throw it all down the drain because I'd rather have my sweets.  As much of a sugar addict as I am, I'm definitely not an idiot, and I refuse to give up.  Being on this sugar high for 3 weeks taught me everything I Need to know, to keep on going with LCHF.  

So as I sit here and write this the night before my week 14 weigh in, and also the restart to my LCHF adventure, I can't help but ponder what I have accomplished over this time.  The old me would only be seeing my failures, but the new me, I only see accomplishments.  Isn't that a wonderful thought?  I have done horrible the past 3 weeks, and I still have nothing but positive things to say about it?  That in itself is a huge deal for me.  I have never had this feeling before, and I gotta admit, its pretty damn awesome.  I think its another step towards self esteem.  

Tomorrow I weigh in for the 14th week in a row.  Tomorrow's weigh in will be very emotional for me, as I know I will have gained a TON of weight.  And by a ton, I'm guessing a good 5 to 7 pounds.  A lot of weight!  But I know that in the whole scheme of things, it will mean nothing.  It is only a minor stepping stone in the path of my life.  

And how cool is it going to be when I read this post after losing 100 pounds, and smile, because I conquered?  

Thank you for reading my posts and watching my videos.  Most importantly, thank you for your comments.  I started out making the videos and posting on this blog so that I could inspire others.  I selfishly never once thought that the viewers would be inspiring me.  Your comments resonate with me, and have at times, helped me get through a day.  THANK YOU

God works in wonderful ways, and for that, I am Thankful.